For the first time since I was a boy (12 years?), I am not attending SXSW. (why?)

I already miss the iron cactus conversations and the walks to and from. I miss the hugs from old friends and meeting so many amazing new people. I miss the Shiner Bocks. I miss the clever t-shirts. I miss Brad, too.
If you are heading to Austin, hug yourself from me. And have a blast.
I LOVE YOU.
Here’s a SXSW memory from way back when I hosted the Web awards:
The gag was instead of “switching” from a PC to a Mac, I was switching to a computer (from analog.) This one was about Blogs, but substitute the word “Tweet” and the gags work even better.

More Memories:

I received a comment asking for elaboration on what I mean by not being attached to an outcome. Now, Buddhist teachings have lots to say on the subject. But here are my thoughts.

There are two huge consequences to staying attached to outcome.
The first is that we feel intense frustration.
Frustration is caused by one thing: Wishing things were different than they are.
We tend to feel this frustration regardless of how much control we have over the situation. In situations where we have no control, the ridiculousness of attachment is easy to see.
Imagine a rainy day and you are stuck in traffic. (Just visualizing it makes my gut tense up.)

There are two places our thoughts can go: 1) Accept the reality of the situation. Or, 2) Wish it was different.
The physical situation does not change based on which place your thoughts go. Your commute is slowed, regardless. In both cases, you will have 45 minutes in your car. But the way you experience those 45 minutes can vary drastically.
And that experience is wholly dependent on your thoughts.
When we wish things we were different, it is because we are holding on to our expectations for the experience – even as Reality demonstrates something quite different.
We planned on being home 10 minutes ago. Now we will miss the beginning of our favorite TV show and our family will have to wait to start dinner. Our kids will get restless which will then cause our spouse more hardships.
It is easy to collect imaginary evidence of the injustice.
But it is important to recognize that these hardships are all imagined. You are comparing the Reality of the present moment to a fictional story you have in your head of how it “should” be. The fact that you are sitting and listening to your car stereo isn’t frustrating. What frustrates you is that you planned for something different. When we are unable to let go of our attachment to that outcome, all we can see is what went wrong.
One possible reaction to this awareness would be to stop making plans entirely. Someone recently told me that their mantra was “Expectation kills the joy.”
But the key is not to be without plans. The key is to have non-specific outcomes – and then be unattached to them working out exactly as you imagined them.

The second consequence to being attached to outcome is that we become blind to whatever gifts and experiences the world provides for us, because we are not looking for them.
Lets return to the traffic situation. Suppose instead of wanting to be home by 6:30, you shifted your goal to, “I want to have quality time with my family after work.” Because isn’t that really what you want? We create a specific plan to attain that goal, but when we stay overly attached to that plan, it is easy to fail.
The second, more vague, “plan” could work out in an infinite number of ways, whereas the “home by 6:30” plan was a frustrating failure the minute the roads got wet with rain.
With a less specific, unattached, goal, you can allow the present moment to be what it is AND allow the unknown future to still satisfy your aims.
Regardless of what time you get home, you can still have a wonderful experience with your family. In fact, I would argue that coming home frustrated from the drive and spending a full hour in a pissy mood would be much worse than coming home with a peaceful headspace and having a fraction of the time.
This is why it is important to seek things like, “a feeling of abundance” instead of “A Porche.”
It is ridiculous how confident we often are in our own plans – especially when life experience shows us time and time again that we are naïve.
How many times have you thought during transition, “Please God, don’t let them leave / help me keep this job / fix this situation for me!”
But when you look back years later have thought, “Thank GOD I’m not still with that person / at that job / down that path!”
“The Course in Miracles” teaches that we are in no position to know if we are in advance or retreat.
Reminding yourself that you often do not know what your best interests are can be a helpful tool in letting go of attachment.
There is an old saying that “When god shuts a door, he opens a window.” Unfortunately, if you exhaust yourself trying to pry open the closed door, you won’t ever see the window. Opportunity will be missed if your tunnel vision stays attached to an outcome no longer available.
So next time you are “stuck” in your car, try to be critical of your thoughts. With an unknown about of time to sit, listen to music and think, how will you spend those minutes?
You can stay stuck in a loop of “Things should be different!” Or you can look for the opportunities present in the reality. Maybe you focus on the music on your radio. Maybe you call an old friend. Maybe you spend some time thinking about and planning an outing for your family. Or maybe you just re-play happy memories in your head.

Will you fight the tide or ride the waves?
You will arrive home at the exact same time.
-John
march 10, 2010

(cut up a woman’s coat, tied a woman’s belt around my neck & hat, and finished it by spray-painting a couple silk butterflies.)

I am so awed by my family.

I started the day in a funk. Then a chatroom “hacker” was flooding the HugNation room with racist hate speech… AND it looked like I was typing it. I actually said aloud, “HugNation is canceled!” (And even kicked my couch in frustration.) But instead I took a breath and used the time to look at my thoughts as a case study applying the lessons of what I wrote that morning. The results were amazing. LOVELOVELOVE!

It is easy to slip into the mentality that we are powerless over our feelings. If things go well for us, we feel happy. If things work out poorly, we feel unhappy.
But Happiness is not the simple result of our circumstances.
Happiness is actually more of a tool – in the same way that “pain” is a tool. Pain helps let us know the degree in which we are physically damaging the body.
Happiness helps let us know the state of our thoughts.
Think of our state of Happiness as a sophisticated monitoring system. It’s like our own personal “Google Analytics” – if we only knew how to read the tools.
We tend to think that we are happy when things are going well for us, and frustrated when the world is not going our way. But this is only partially true.
Our level of happiness does not reflect the state of our world, but the state of our thoughts.
It is like looking at the “temperature” dial on your car and believing that the needle moves depending on how hard you are driving the vehicle. In reality, it is the condition of the engine – the oil level & the efficiency of the cooling system – that plays a much more important role. Even a car standing still at a low idle will overheat if the engine is not healthy. Conversely, a well-maintained engine will keep the temperature smack in the “normal” zone, regardless of how fast you drive, and no matter how many hills you climb.
Can you avoid big hills to avoid car strain? Absolutely!
According to the metaphor, this would be the process of removing toxic elements from your life.
• Are there people in your life that are negative or judgmental? Do you feel worse about yourself or the world after spending time with them?
• Do you attend social gatherings that cause you anxiety? Do you feel drained and defeated afterwards?
• Do you consume alarmist news or entertainment? Does it leave you feeling crappy in the end?
All of these are hilltop destinations on our daily drive. They tax our engine and bring us close to overheating. It makes sense to ask, “Is the destination worth the effort?”
But removing all hills from your itinerary is not the only way to keep your temperature in check. In fact it is more of a band-aid than a real solution. Far more important is working on the engine until it is running smooth. Ideally it can handle the steep inclines without running too hot.
Plus, there are some amazing destinations on the top of pretty steep hills. So avoiding inclines altogether is not a very realistic solution. It is MUCH better to have the option to go where you please.
And you can do this with a well-maintained and healthy running engine.
In some ways our mind engine is extremely complicated. There are an infinite number of thoughts that can give it trouble. Most of these can be categorized as either fear, guilt or regret.
It is best to deal with them as they arise. Brush them away daily before they gum anything up. But this daily maintenance is a change from the way most of us have been trained.
Most people have a hospital-style attitude about the engine. They only bring it in for maintenance when the “Check Engine” light goes on. Or worse yet, when they break down on the side of the road. Most people have the same attitude about their Happiness. It is only things like prolonged depression that spur people to “look under their hood.”
But by that time the fear thoughts have settled in deep into the gears. We develop patterns and bad habits. Each one adding more friction to the engine’s workings (and building up more heat & stress.)
It is much more helpful to do minor engine maintenance every day. Check the dial each morning. Brush away any unnecessary debris.
This daily maintenance can be different for each person. Some popular tasks are exercise, meditation, gratitude lists, reading books, or listening to lectures from more experienced mental mechanics.
The key is shifting from the passive, “I’m having a bad day” to an empowered, “What am I thinking that is making me unhappy?” Until we can read the dials, it feels like our mental state is out of our hands.
But when we start to check our mental dashboard, we gain a whole new level of control over our lives.
Simply knowing you are having stressful thoughts doesn’t mean you can wave your hand and make them go away, but it is a start.
If I am feeling anxious or unhappy, it can be difficult to recognize. I can easily drive my car all day and not realize it is running hot. But as I work on my maintenance schedule, I am getting better at noticing when things are off. Often simply knowing to check the dials is the hardest part.
Once I know to check in with myself, I can usually see the fear, guilt or regret thoughts. Invariably it is because I am either: 1) Not being present or 2) Feeling separate or 3) being attached to an outcome.
Once I can pull back and see the less-than-happy thoughts that I am having, it is easy to address them.
Of course, pursuing peace of mind with those 3 diagnoses can be journeys unto themselves. Entire spiritual paths are dedicated to each and they can take lifetimes to master. This should not be discouraging – on the contrary! This can be one of the most empowering revelations an individual can have.
Going from passively “accepting” your mental state to having active control over it is a massive shift. We still need to read the maintenance manual and do the work, but until we know how to check the dials, it is impossible to know where to start.
March 2, 2010
John

Woke to rain.
In San Diego, rain is rare enough to feel slightly magical. Like a full moon. Or a meteor shower.
Although this year has been a rainy one. Last week, my landlord asked how the river in the backyard has been flowing. I realized that I had not been down there to check it out, yet.
So this morning, I made myself a thermos of coffee, put on my rain slicker, and headed out into the rain.
The river was FLOWING and beautiful.
The recent rains had made the canyon explode in green. Big, lush nasturtium leaves blanketed the river bank.
I set a plastic chair by the creek, poured myself a cup of pre-sweetened coffee, and set my ipod to “Cat Stevens.”
My mind bounced from gorgeous detail to gorgeous detail.
Vibrant green leaf.
Budding lemon blossom.
Dark gnarled root.
Swirling current heading, always, towards the sea.
I watched the tiny – mist-like raindrops fall and collect on the Nasturtium leaves.
Each drop too small to see, but gradually collecting into reflective crystal globes. The droplets forming and then dropping with random, gorgeous, perfection.
The drops would fall from the leaf to the ground – where it would presumably provide water to the very plant that just collected it. Or maybe it would evaporate, and fall again, elsewhere. Some way or another rejoining the stream and the eternal seaward cycle.
I sat there with a stream of water rushing by right to left.
Countless tiny droplets fell from above.
Thousands of roots around me pulled water from the damp soil up their stems.
I sat motionless as nature’s cycles swirled all around me.
I had the feeling of being microscopic. Everything around me – every molecule and atom – moving in perfect cycles. Connected in a massive cosmic dance. Interconnected and perfectly balanced.
Once again, I return to Awe.
Thank you, Universe… for the miracles in every moment.

More photos from the day

*I will be giving the opening blessing and co-hosting this event!*

“Temple of Hope- a benefit for Haiti & Partners in Health”

Sunday February 28, 2010
2pm to 6pm

Bardot @ Avalon
1735 Vine St. Hollywood, CA 90028

$20 or $15 w/donation of a non-perishable food item or new personal care item.

Music by: Slick Dada of Dada Radio & Whoop T Whoop Ent.
Dance performances by:
Princess Farhana, Devilla, Jenna, IrinaXara,
Mardhavi Rodrigo, Sophie Olsen,
Debbie & Marco, & The Hart Pulse Dance Co.

Full Bar 21+

Raffle Prize Drawing & Silent Auctions featuring items donated by:
The Bellydance Superstars, Lucent Dossier Vaudeville Cirque, Artist Ashleigh Sumner,
Lululemon Athletica, Corium 21 Organic Skin Care, & Alexandria II Bookstore

Net proceeds from admissions, raffle prize drawing, & silent auction to be donated
to Partners in Health. (pih.org)
Food and personal care items to be donated to the LA Food Bank.
(lafightshunger.org)

I love anything that Bill Murray is in. Stripes, Ghostbusters, Meatballs, Scrooged, etc. He is one of those rare comedic actors who can make me start smiling just with a facial expression.
Last night “Groundhog Day” was playing on Bravo. So, of course, I watched. I’m not sure why it is so much more compelling to watch movies when they are playing live on TV. I’ll often watch a film on TV – with commercials – even when I own the DVD somewhere in my collection. I think it has something to do with the collective viewing experience. Even though we are in different physical locations, there is a crowd of people all watching at the same time. It is like a communal theatre experience – without the sticky floor.
In any case, I watched Groundhog Day last night along with 1000’s of strangers. The neat thing about that movie is that you can miss the beginning and not get too lost – since the movie consists of the same day happening over and over again.
If you have not seen it, Netflix it, immediately. The premise is that a grumpy weatherman named Phil finds himself living the same day over and over again. Every morning he wakes up at 6am on Groundhog Day. No matter what happens during the day, when he goes to sleep, he wakes up at 6am and it is the beginning of Groundhog Day. Again.
It’s an awesome premise that gives a stage for Murray’s antics. But it is also a perfect scenario to illustrate some deep spiritual ideas. As I re-watched the film last night, I saw a beautiful new depth to it.
** ALERT: SPOILERS BELOW **

At the start of the movie, Murray’s character is unhappy, selfish, and inconsiderate.
Despite the fact that his worldview makes him miserable, he believes he knows best.
Phil is the Everyman of the modern world: Ego absorbed and suffering – but with no willingness to change. In essence being unhappy because he is too stubborn to accept that he may not have it all figured out. He would rather be right about how lame everything is than be happy.
The beginning of the movie paints the picture of this person: Miserable on the inside and miserable to be around. He is stuck in a lame small town and everything seems to be an obstacle – even though he has no clear destination.
Things get interesting when he wakes up the next morning, and it is Groundhog Day, once again. He goes through the day, everyone and everything says and acts exactly as the day before. Much Bill Murray silliness ensues.
Once the shock dies down, Murray’s character starts to think of ways he can take advantage of the situation. Since he knows he will wake up tomorrow in the same place/day, he starts to learn about people so that he can manipulate them. He learns where a pretty girl goes to high school so that he can manufacture a disarming ice breaker (and eventually sleep with her.)
This is the Ego steering it’s way through the world. He acts selfishly to get what he wants – often at the expense of others. This is the “dog-eat-dog” mentality that we fall into so often. We step on others to get what we want, never realizing that the rewards we gain rarely make us happy.
He symbolizes the stage of awareness of trying to change the world to fit our image of happiness. He imagines that he would be happy if he could get the girl, so he sets on changing the circumstances of the world to get what his Ego mind wants. Of course, since he gets an infinite number of do-overs, he is pretty successful.
The movie shows him altering his seduction script with each failed attempt. At one point she yells at him and rather than respond to her, he makes a mental note to himself, “No fudge and no whit e chocolate. Got it.”
He goes through round after round of this day, each time getting closer to crafting it perfectly. Or at least perfectly crafted according to his Plan.
And yet, he never reaches the happy scenario he strives for.
Just like in real life, the Ego often has no idea what will actually make us happy – even if we think we do. The problem is that the Ego, by it’s nature, acts from a selfish place. Even if it gets what it wants, it is operating from a place lacking love and peace. It is like the businessman who does what it takes to get the promotion, get the house and car, does everything according to plan and then realizes, “My God, what have I done?” I have achieved my image of Happiness – and yet I am not happy!
Phil falls deep into the Victim role.
He feels powerless and becomes depressed. He is trapped on the wheel of suffering.
For the Ego mind, and all it’s plans, the fact that tomorrow never comes is the worst possible nightmare. Nothing matters and nothing will change.
Finally, he decides to kill himself. Repeatedly.
He crashes his car, electrocutes himself, and jumps off a building. Each time he wakes up at 6am on Groundhog Day.
This is the symbolic killing off of his ego. Stripping away all his desires.
Until finally he says, “I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist any more.”
He says this like it is a bad thing, but it is only from this place of non-existent ego that his transformation takes place.
In essence, he surrenders.
He no longer tries to manipulate things for his own good. Instead he begins to speak honestly from the heart without an agenda.
He introduces several hobbies to his life: Taking piano lessons and learning ice sculpting. These create entertaining plot points, but they symbolize the daily practice and discipline of a spiritual path.
We also see him demonstrate a non-attachment to material goods. He has learned all-too-vividly that “you can’t take it with you.” We see him be incredibly generous at every opportunity.
Without any hope for a future, his life/day becomes about what is the best way he can contribute in this moment.
In fact, generosity and giving become his sole purpose. He makes the daily practice about helping people. Since he knows everything that happens on this day perfectly, he walks around town and is available to help when each obstacle (that he knows is coming) arises. He changes a tire, applies the Heimlich maneuver, and catches a kid who falls from a tree. This becomes his daily practice.
His demeanor finally becomes calm as he surrenders to this infinite Now. Of course, for the character – the Now that Eckard Tolle talks about has become quite literal.
Without the legacy of his past story, he is free to be anyone.
Without the expectations of the future, he is free to do anything.
After much trial and error, he finally embraces a “Love more, fear less. Float more, steer less” mentality.
He surrenders to the Now. He follows Love. He is free of Fear.
From this place, Joy and Love flow effortlessly into his life.
His evolution is complete and the “curse” is finally lifted when he says, “Whatever happens tomorrow, I am happy Now.”
Within the confines of a single day, in a small town, we witness a life-long spiritual path play out. From Selfishness, to Dispair, to loss of Ego. We witness the wheel of suffering and see the importance of a daily practice, selflessness, and service. Finally, he Surrenders fully to the Now and finds Joy.
From this place, it makes no difference how many more weeks of winter the groundhog predicts. Every Now moment is perfect.
It makes me wonder how many comedies of my youth can be appreciated from a spiritual level? Maybe we should try some Pauley Shore movies next??? Maybe not.
-John
Feb 23, 2010