As the master spoke, I listened closely.

A close family friend had urged us to attend, so we drove to LA for this rare chance to hear H. H. Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj speak.

His followers consider him a living master and speak of him the same way people speak of Amma, the hugging saint. (NOTE: I saw Amma at this same Airport HIlton several years ago.)
I found both Amma & Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj to be inspiring individuals with powerful messages of peace of love.

But I felt nothing “special” from their presence.

I mean, I felt awe and respect on an intellectual level…but not the supernatural sensations or epiphanies that so many followers describe.

Maybe I’m not wired to respond to a guru? Or simply have not met the right one, yet?
His talk was about dealing with stress, but really his focus was about meditation as a tool to reconnect to our ever-present divine vibration. As he used words to describe an inexpressible experience, I came to a powerful realization: Words only go so far.

Words are symbols that, at best, can remind us of experiences we have had. But more often merely give vague glimpses of the actual experience being described.
The description of a juicy, cold watermelon on a hot summer day can summon an existing memory, but the experience of that verbal description is a far cry from experiencing the succulent fruit, itself.

As the Buddhist saying goes: The words are the finger pointing to the moon.

And after years of nontraditional study and practice, I am pretty clear on my intellectual understanding of basic spiritual ideas. Of course, I am always learning (and forgetting even more) so a daily practice is still mandatory. But I have read enough overlapping thoughts on Oneness, Love, & the Divine presence within to have a strong understanding of the concepts – regardless of the faith that is explaining them.

But as Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj explained the process of connecting to the divine through meditation, I became harshly aware that I was experiencing words.
My experience was in the intellectual realm – where I have had extensive experiences. I have heard many great thinkers discuss these ideas. In fact, I have tried to express them myself…many times.

The difference is that Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj’s words are just the pale echo of the True Experience he has been practicing, experiencing, and teaching for decades.
More and more I am finding myself bumping my head on the “word ceiling” of my spiritual path. Understanding the ideas *is* comforting and facilitates growth. But the words are separate from the experience.

In some areas, I have begun to experience more visceral “heart knowledge” as opposed to intellectual “head knowledge.” For example, I have no fear of death. This is not an intellectual conclusion, but a deep understanding I experience as Truth.

As Sant Rajinder Singh Ji Maharaj spoke, I became keenly aware of the difference between Truth & knowledge. I understand the knowledge he was sharing. But I do not have an experience of his Truth.
This awareness reinforces many lessons I have been confronted with lately surrounding my mind & body. My next spiritual steps need to be in the areas of experience. I need to get out of my head. I need to transcend the words.

It keeps coming back to Yoga and Meditation. And maybe a little Ecstatic Dance thrown in to keep me – literally – on my toes.
This feels like a big, scary unknown to me. It also feels like an exciting potential.
I know what I need to do. And I know I can’t wait for a guru, unicorn or eclipse to make it easier. I just need to develop the discipline and do it.
I feel like I should end this essay with something clever & insightful…but those would just be words.
…
-John, July 8, 2010

Topics: “I’m a Love-atarian,” My new book, Lightning ina Bottle, My birthday, learning to slow down and be in integrity, etc.

Wonderful Hug Nation this week!

Full archive discussing “Money Flow” & voting with your dollar.

This was the fifth annual Fuente Eterno gathering, but it was the first time I was able to attend. I was delighted to find that after 13 years of Burning Man-inspired counterculture, I am still being impacted in profound ways. And more than ever, I feel like I am part of a community.

There was something that hit me as I talked to people over the weekend. (Weekend being a loose term since most people were here Thurs-Mon.) I began to notice how many people in attendance were working to inspire others. Person after person had made a change in their life so that they were dedicating some of their energy towards “lighting people up.”
This community is so important because we encourage one another to do this.

The society at large *says* that they support people following their dreams. But I’m not sure that is really true. Maybe *certain* dreams. Do you want to start a retail business or pursue your dream career in Law or Social Services? Well then teachers and parents will pat you on the pack and help you with applications.

But what if you like making dangerous sculptures? Or being a circus performer? Or just studying topics that call to you? What if you like doing things without a real plan for how you make a living with it?
The society at large would most likely consider those pursuits a waste of time…or perhaps even selfish.
But in this community, people are encouraged to RUN in whatever direction they are called.
“Following your Bliss,” no matter what it looks like, is NOT a selfish act.
I believe in “Inner-Activism.” This means that working on yourself can be the most profound way to affect the world.

“The World Can Only Change From Within.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I believed this intellectually, but was challenged on this frequently. Many people would tell me, “If you really wanted to help, you’d get from behind the computer and work a soup kitchen.”
But I have heard from dozens of people who have made profound changes in their lives inspired either partially or dramatically by me.
Not by anything I said or did – but simply by me following my path.
I hear the societal voices mocking my arrogance even as I write that. But tears well in my eyes, because I feel it so strongly to be true.

This community encourages people to fan their own flames because we know that those flames ignite sparks in others. And then each fire fuels one another in a cumulative firestorm of mutual inspiration.

***

This weekend I talked to Chris.
Chris has been helping throw Fuente for 5 years and has plans forming for grander and more magical events. But Chris in not a party “promoter” filled with slick talk. He is more like a loving parent who works tirelessly to create a safe and loving playground for the kids to enjoy. (Maybe not physically safe – those rocks are harsh! But safe for inner exploration and artistic expression.) He spends his surplus energy.
Society might see throwing wild parties as a selfish act. But if you saw people’s eyes as they left the canyon, you would know his charity was the deepest sort.

This weekend I talked to Destin.
Destin spent years studying and learning about his own sexuality. There is perhaps nothing more selfish than navel-gazing…except maybe penis-gazing. But Destin now uses this energy to do workshops and coaching. By fanning his own fire he routinely helps people break out of their binds of repression and ignite themselves.

This weekend I talked to Karpo.
Karpo left his biotech job to pursue Life Coaching. His wife and children now how less financial resources to work with. Selfish? I doubt anyone who meets Karpo or attends his Happiness Workshops would deny that he spreads riches wherever he goes.

Everywhere I went, I was inspired.

T-Rex and her whirlwind fire circus life.
Jeremy and his piano enchantment.
Bass Mechanic and his relentless delivery of music.
Hoop Charmer and her near-blinding display of inner light.

The list goes on and on – People who realized that no reward is greater than inspiring others. And there is no better way to inspire than to follow your own dreams. These dreams do not need to be careers, either. They can be love-filled meals. Or massages. Or selfless assistance of any kind.

***

On Sunday, as the sunset over the Canyon, I found myself again teary eyed. I looked around the smiles and the styles. I saw the setting at the heard the songs. And I realized that when people around you are pursuing their passion to this degree, all the old rules disintegrate. I found myself re-defining “affluence.”

What white-picket fence would I trade for THIS?

None.

In fact, as the sun set for my final night in the Oasis, I realized that ambition, itself, seemed silly. THIS is what I aspire for. THIS is the life I dream of.
How did I get here? How did I get so lucky?

I suppose when you focus on yourself… when you continually correct your path towards Love, it leads you to places like this.
And lets you meet people like these.
And have moments like Now.
I looked skyward and became dizzy with the awareness.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

-john /Halcyon
March 17, 2010

Tao Te Cha-Ching, Losing & Winning, Forgive me, Jesus, and Hug Time.

HugNation jan 27 “Tao” from Belief Buffet on Vimeo.

I had an awesome lunch yesterday with a exceptionally wise Christian friend. As we talked I found myself finding more connection with Jesus’ words as well as clarity of basic spiritual ideas I have been exploring.

Preface: I do not identify as a Christian. I see Jesus as a great Spiritual leader who tried to express a profound divine awareness with those around him. He tried to put the awareness into words (Which have then been translated and passed on through the Multi-generational Church PR machine.) But I think the specific words are far less important than the direction of the ideas.
And to me, I see this same direction of thought from many evolved teachers in history and living today.
So, while I am frustrated by some people’s strict allegiance to the words of the bible, I am also struck by how often it can be interpreted in ways that mesh perfectly with my “new age” philosophies.
For example, I see Jesus as the role model for our ideal selves. I don’t see him as the son of god but as a symbol of the divine in all of us. In this sense, we “follow Jesus” as we walk our paths and strip away our worldly socialization. The false idols we need to avoid are the “gods “ of status, fame, wealth, etc..
Chasing these things is a sure fire path to suffering. And if we place these things above Love, our world feels like it is filled with obstacles and injustice. This focus on “what is wrong” is what I would call, “Hell.”
But when we see the miracles that surround us, then Heaven is in every moment.
Therefore the “path” to heaven is within. Or “Through me, “ meaning “becoming more Christ-like.”
I was thinking about the almost comical Christian belief that you can ask for forgiveness on your deathbed and no matter what you did, still go to Heaven.
But during lunch I had an epiphany: This idea of instant access to Heaven through forgiveness is profound.
The reality is that you are not asking forgiveness of anything outside of yourself. You are accepting the flawed perfection that is “you.”
You are recognizing that this Ego Persona is not really, “You.” All these things you may have shame or guilt over, were done as part of your separate ego identity. But when you let go of that identity – when you “forgive” that part of yourself – then you can step into your divine one-ness.
And THAT puts you in the state of Heaven in an instant.
In that moment that we recognize that ANY decision we make with our ego minds is severely limited, we are set free.
“Forgiveness” of the ego self is a recognition of non-separation.
If we let go of our ego identity, then we can sense the one-ness of the universe. The connection with all things.
It is also a release of attachment – A letting go of that perception that we know what is best.
My ego brain is not to be trusted. As I ask forgiveness for the actions of my Ego self, I am surrendering to a higher power, flow, energy, love, God.
I see this forgiveness as the same sort of awakening. Where the divine seed in us “forgives” the ego mind for it’s narrow choices and actions.
“Accepting Jesus in our heart” is actually a surrendering to the divine connection that has always existed within us.
And suddenly the idea of being absolved of all sins in an instant makes a ton of sense.

Jan 23, 2010

I have been devouring science documentaries.
To me, studies of the natural world are better tools for studying “god” than sacred texts.

A Sacred text is a man’s attempt to put the inexpressible into words. Often those words are then translated. Sometimes the original words are even passed down several times before they make it into print.

Language is an amazing tool. But it is merely a tool. Remember in high school when your writing professor would repeat the mantra “Show don’t tell?”

Don’t tell me the flower was pretty, show me it’s beauty. Describe the colors and patterns and the play of the light.

But even the greatest poet could not accurately convey the baffling beauty of a orchid. Joyce Kilmer wrote long ago, “I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree…”

And this is the trouble with sacred words. They are all, essentially, poems about trees.

I don’t mean to argue their truth or value – only to point out the obvious limitations of words.

After reading a particularly vivid account of an experience – say surviving the Katrina floods – you might feel as though you had been there. But it would be incredibly naive to believe that you had the same experience as someone who was neck deep in water and fear.

Could you ever read enough about giving birth to reach an understanding of what that experience is like? Or having sex?

To me, studying science on a very surface level is not about understanding. I have no goal of learning the details of fusion or the intricacies of photosynthesis. Instead, the basic knowledge serves to pulverize into mush any lingering need my brain has of making sense of it all.

Understanding how it all works = impossible and stressful.
Surrendering to the infinitely complex order = calming and peaceful.

This is particularly helpful if you combine micro and macro learning. From microscope to telescope. From distant galaxy to inside my body. No mater how far my attention goes in any direction it never stops uncovering incomprehensible levels of order, chaos, drama, and interconnectedness.

The human drama with it’s adultery, career paths, and invention is no more complicated or important than than the drama of a marshland biosphere or a distant pulsar.

The universe is fractal-y amazing.

The more I watch COSMOS or the Discovery Channel, the more giddy I become with awe.

It seems to me that this awe and appreciation is immensely more important than understanding.

I can enjoy a roller coaster without understanding the physics. I just have faith that the track is constructed in such a way that it supports the speed, gravity, and torque of the ride.

I could read a book about how the ride should be ridden. I could follow the exact steps a legendary rider of the past took: Commandment 4: Thou shall not eat multiple corn dogs before riding. Commandment 5: Thou shall be taller than this sign. Commandment 6: On the sabbath, lines are longer so try to go mid-week. Etc..

The rules & descriptions can certainly be helpful. But they must be understood in their place. Too many people are reading the rules AS they are riding – so focused on the abstract that they are not enjoying the actual experience.

It may sound trite to suggest to someone that they stop to smell the flowers. But on the contrary, this is profound spiritual guidance.

For me, the natural world holds direct glimpses into the divine. Like a more literal biblical god, it is not something I can look directly at – it is simply too much for me to comprehend. But in every veined leaf I see the reflection of this divine order.

The ego wills of humans – my own included – disintegrate into comical naiveté.

In a universe so overwhelmingly miraculous – I have been given the ability to perceive it. My purpose is no more (or less) grandiose than any other piece of the cosmic puzzle. Whether massive star or tiny atom.

But what IS significant – more so than anything else that defines my existence – Is that I am able to perceive and ponder this miracle as it unfolds.

It is a unique human gift. And our appreciation of this gift defines our life and our relationships with all other life.

Of course, it is pretty ridiculous to try to explain all of this with words.

“I think that I shall never see…”

Dec 29, 2009

While I am deeply inspired by and intensely connected with the Burning Man festival and community, it does not represent my beliefs.
I am often tempted to identify as a “Burner,” but when I sit with that definition, it doesn’t fit.
My belief system – influenced in part by my experiences at Burning Man – has grown into one of profound love, connection, & gratitude.
But just because these ideas are strongly present on the Playa does not mean they are synonymous.
Burning Man is simply the fertile ground in which any impulse is invited to grow.
Many people find the experience opens up similar things as it has with me. But Burning Man also represents much more. LOTS of things bloom in the fertile soil. Some of it is dark. Some violent. Some snarky and mean. I love it all – but it does not represent me.
So while I itendify strongly as a “Burner” it doesn’t fit as snugly as I’d like.
**
For the past several years I have been working to define what exactly this belief system is. I have called my dabbling, “sampling dishes of the Belief Buffet.” And in the last 6 months my efforts have become more and more intense (and rewarding.) Starting with the ride home from Burning Man in the Hugmobile, Dmitry Shapiro and I have been meeting regularly to discuss our deepening awareness and gain clarity.

The ideas we discuss are not new. They have been expressed 1000 times before by many teachers.
Alan Watts
Krishnamurti
Jesus Christ
Eckart Tolle
Byron Katie
Buddha
Danger Ranger
Caleb Shikles
& many more.

What belief system embodies all of these teachers, embraces the spiritual revelry of Burning Man, bows before the miracles of the natural world, and adopts the technological tools of a connected planet?
THAT is my religion.

To ease discussion, I would like to give this evolving awareness a name. Some thoughts: “The Gift.” “Hevven” “wakeness” “a.wareness.” ???

Hopefully a name will be delivered with the same perfection as the symbol:

During a trip to Mayan ruins earlier this month, I was drawn to a symbol found on my ticket stub. It was not a traditional Mayan symbol, but had a modern + Mayan feel to it. I have had it on my desk all month – continuing to draw me in.
The more I studied it, the more I saw within it so many things we have been discussing. I made some minor modifications to integrate design elements of Burning Man & HugNation and created the symbol below.

This icon symbolizes the beliefs:

We are all made of Stardust.

The flow is Love.