Technology gives us so much. But what does it take away? (Inspired by Turkish memories.)

Turkish Mountaintop Story (April 2010) re-shared at the end of the broadcast.

Music Video showing the fun Venice Beach Flow Temple vibe:

I just finished this year’s videos.

There are 3:

1) A 16 minute music video love letter to Fuente. “FUENTE ETERNO 2011″ (5/6 music tracks are by attendees)

2) A 24 minute teary HugNation broadcast, “Fuente Inspiration.”

3) A raw 3 minute ( & also tear-filled) poolside video confessional. (uploading soon.)

Last year’s Fuente experience & the videos I shared afterward were hugely significant to me.

I was moved to tears again at the Pool Party. I was so overwhelmed with the beautiful life I was leading. So awe-filled by the experience I was having. So amazed by the people I called friends and loved ones.

But there was something new that shook my core. As I settled into the amazing experience and people, I realized there was an added level of Joy for me. Since last year, I have the added knowledge of how supportive my community was to me after my raw video expression from last year. When I uploaded the footage, I knew that I would be safe in sharing tears, but the level of support was amazing. When I exposed my most raw feelings, I felt completely cradled in Love. And as more people shared last year’s video, I felt like my open heart connected to more and more amazing individuals. Like there were hundreds of tubes connecting my heart and the hearts of so many friends, lovers, and collaborators.

What is also warming is that so many people living lives different that mine have embraced me & my path. It isn’t just crazy-haired burners & hippies. Love & Gratitude are the foundation of any lifestyle, even if you don’t spell it out with flowers in your hair.

At poolside, as I thought about my life path of the last year, the tears came again.

Last year when I shared my emotions with Janus, he cautioned me to keep room above… to not limit the ceiling of Joy. I laughed at the thought, but he was right. Life has gotten better and better.

I wish I had more time with every single attendee of Fuente. But the collective vibrations shared through the canyon were beyond my wildest dreams. Literally.

If you are reading this, THANK YOU.

Thank you for being a part of this amazing journey. Thank you for receiving the words and expressions I am moved to share. Thank you for being YOU.

(I wish I could give a certificate to everyone, but know that you deserve one.)

I Love you.

-Halcyon

Fuente Eterno 2011

by Halcyon

features:

The Journey, Guadalupe Canyon, Waterfall, UniFier, Pool Party, Ceremony

music:

“I’m Going Home” – Solovox

“Clouds” – Love In The Circus

“Cotton Eyed Joe” – Red Nex

“Clouds” – Love In The Circus

“No Rain” – Pumpkin Remix

“Opening Ceremony Chant”

Renfey, Jeremy Weinglass & David Bergeaud

Final Slideshow – Mario Covic Photography
Additional filming by B.licious & Dmitry.
Shuttle Bus – Baja Trek
Thank you Blue, Turo, Cade, Daphne, Yehonatan, Stevie, Roots, Steve, WeeVil, Drew, & everyone who helped make the canyon magic.

Tickets to Fuente sold out in five minutes…again.

I was enthusiastically vocal about how much I enjoyed my experience last year. The videos I posted were practically recruitment vids.

Which, looking back, was a shitty thing to do for an event that is already filled to capacity.

If I got you excited and attached to an outcome, I apologize.

If it helps…
I had heard of Fuente for 4 years before I attended.
Many tickets become available as the event gets closer.
When the time is right you will be there.

more emotions from the day:

And some comic relief from the pool party:

I was asked to join 9 other guys for a “Full Monty” performance at the Fuente Pool Party. We even had rehearsal!

“Dick In A Box” Fuente Eterno 2010 from Belief Buffet on Vimeo.

I was asked to join 9 other guys for a “Full Monty” performance at the Fuente Pool Party. We even had rehearsal!

“Dick In A Box” Fuente Eterno 2010 from Belief Buffet on Vimeo.

This was the fifth annual Fuente Eterno gathering, but it was the first time I was able to attend. I was delighted to find that after 13 years of Burning Man-inspired counterculture, I am still being impacted in profound ways. And more than ever, I feel like I am part of a community.

There was something that hit me as I talked to people over the weekend. (Weekend being a loose term since most people were here Thurs-Mon.) I began to notice how many people in attendance were working to inspire others. Person after person had made a change in their life so that they were dedicating some of their energy towards “lighting people up.”
This community is so important because we encourage one another to do this.

The society at large *says* that they support people following their dreams. But I’m not sure that is really true. Maybe *certain* dreams. Do you want to start a retail business or pursue your dream career in Law or Social Services? Well then teachers and parents will pat you on the pack and help you with applications.

But what if you like making dangerous sculptures? Or being a circus performer? Or just studying topics that call to you? What if you like doing things without a real plan for how you make a living with it?
The society at large would most likely consider those pursuits a waste of time…or perhaps even selfish.
But in this community, people are encouraged to RUN in whatever direction they are called.
“Following your Bliss,” no matter what it looks like, is NOT a selfish act.
I believe in “Inner-Activism.” This means that working on yourself can be the most profound way to affect the world.

“The World Can Only Change From Within.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I believed this intellectually, but was challenged on this frequently. Many people would tell me, “If you really wanted to help, you’d get from behind the computer and work a soup kitchen.”
But I have heard from dozens of people who have made profound changes in their lives inspired either partially or dramatically by me.
Not by anything I said or did – but simply by me following my path.
I hear the societal voices mocking my arrogance even as I write that. But tears well in my eyes, because I feel it so strongly to be true.

This community encourages people to fan their own flames because we know that those flames ignite sparks in others. And then each fire fuels one another in a cumulative firestorm of mutual inspiration.

***

This weekend I talked to Chris.
Chris has been helping throw Fuente for 5 years and has plans forming for grander and more magical events. But Chris in not a party “promoter” filled with slick talk. He is more like a loving parent who works tirelessly to create a safe and loving playground for the kids to enjoy. (Maybe not physically safe – those rocks are harsh! But safe for inner exploration and artistic expression.) He spends his surplus energy.
Society might see throwing wild parties as a selfish act. But if you saw people’s eyes as they left the canyon, you would know his charity was the deepest sort.

This weekend I talked to Destin.
Destin spent years studying and learning about his own sexuality. There is perhaps nothing more selfish than navel-gazing…except maybe penis-gazing. But Destin now uses this energy to do workshops and coaching. By fanning his own fire he routinely helps people break out of their binds of repression and ignite themselves.

This weekend I talked to Karpo.
Karpo left his biotech job to pursue Life Coaching. His wife and children now how less financial resources to work with. Selfish? I doubt anyone who meets Karpo or attends his Happiness Workshops would deny that he spreads riches wherever he goes.

Everywhere I went, I was inspired.

T-Rex and her whirlwind fire circus life.
Jeremy and his piano enchantment.
Bass Mechanic and his relentless delivery of music.
Hoop Charmer and her near-blinding display of inner light.

The list goes on and on – People who realized that no reward is greater than inspiring others. And there is no better way to inspire than to follow your own dreams. These dreams do not need to be careers, either. They can be love-filled meals. Or massages. Or selfless assistance of any kind.

***

On Sunday, as the sunset over the Canyon, I found myself again teary eyed. I looked around the smiles and the styles. I saw the setting at the heard the songs. And I realized that when people around you are pursuing their passion to this degree, all the old rules disintegrate. I found myself re-defining “affluence.”

What white-picket fence would I trade for THIS?

None.

In fact, as the sun set for my final night in the Oasis, I realized that ambition, itself, seemed silly. THIS is what I aspire for. THIS is the life I dream of.
How did I get here? How did I get so lucky?

I suppose when you focus on yourself… when you continually correct your path towards Love, it leads you to places like this.
And lets you meet people like these.
And have moments like Now.
I looked skyward and became dizzy with the awareness.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

-john /Halcyon
March 17, 2010

This was the fifth annual Fuente Eterno gathering, but it was the first time I was able to attend. I was delighted to find that after 13 years of Burning Man-inspired counterculture, I am still being impacted in profound ways. And more than ever, I feel like I am part of a community.

There was something that hit me as I talked to people over the weekend. (Weekend being a loose term since most people were here Thurs-Mon.) I began to notice how many people in attendance were working to inspire others. Person after person had made a change in their life so that they were dedicating some of their energy towards “lighting people up.”
This community is so important because we encourage one another to do this.

The society at large *says* that they support people following their dreams. But I’m not sure that is really true. Maybe *certain* dreams. Do you want to start a retail business or pursue your dream career in Law or Social Services? Well then teachers and parents will pat you on the pack and help you with applications.

But what if you like making dangerous sculptures? Or being a circus performer? Or just studying topics that call to you? What if you like doing things without a real plan for how you make a living with it?
The society at large would most likely consider those pursuits a waste of time…or perhaps even selfish.
But in this community, people are encouraged to RUN in whatever direction they are called.
“Following your Bliss,” no matter what it looks like, is NOT a selfish act.
I believe in “Inner-Activism.” This means that working on yourself can be the most profound way to affect the world.

“The World Can Only Change From Within.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I believed this intellectually, but was challenged on this frequently. Many people would tell me, “If you really wanted to help, you’d get from behind the computer and work a soup kitchen.”
But I have heard from dozens of people who have made profound changes in their lives inspired either partially or dramatically by me.
Not by anything I said or did – but simply by me following my path.
I hear the societal voices mocking my arrogance even as I write that. But tears well in my eyes, because I feel it so strongly to be true.

This community encourages people to fan their own flames because we know that those flames ignite sparks in others. And then each fire fuels one another in a cumulative firestorm of mutual inspiration.

***

This weekend I talked to Chris.
Chris has been helping throw Fuente for 5 years and has plans forming for grander and more magical events. But Chris in not a party “promoter” filled with slick talk. He is more like a loving parent who works tirelessly to create a safe and loving playground for the kids to enjoy. (Maybe not physically safe – those rocks are harsh! But safe for inner exploration and artistic expression.) He spends his surplus energy.
Society might see throwing wild parties as a selfish act. But if you saw people’s eyes as they left the canyon, you would know his charity was the deepest sort.

This weekend I talked to Destin.
Destin spent years studying and learning about his own sexuality. There is perhaps nothing more selfish than navel-gazing…except maybe penis-gazing. But Destin now uses this energy to do workshops and coaching. By fanning his own fire he routinely helps people break out of their binds of repression and ignite themselves.

This weekend I talked to Karpo.
Karpo left his biotech job to pursue Life Coaching. His wife and children now how less financial resources to work with. Selfish? I doubt anyone who meets Karpo or attends his Happiness Workshops would deny that he spreads riches wherever he goes.

Everywhere I went, I was inspired.

T-Rex and her whirlwind fire circus life.
Jeremy and his piano enchantment.
Bass Mechanic and his relentless delivery of music.
Hoop Charmer and her near-blinding display of inner light.

The list goes on and on – People who realized that no reward is greater than inspiring others. And there is no better way to inspire than to follow your own dreams. These dreams do not need to be careers, either. They can be love-filled meals. Or massages. Or selfless assistance of any kind.

***

On Sunday, as the sunset over the Canyon, I found myself again teary eyed. I looked around the smiles and the styles. I saw the setting at the heard the songs. And I realized that when people around you are pursuing their passion to this degree, all the old rules disintegrate. I found myself re-defining “affluence.”

What white-picket fence would I trade for THIS?

None.

In fact, as the sun set for my final night in the Oasis, I realized that ambition, itself, seemed silly. THIS is what I aspire for. THIS is the life I dream of.
How did I get here? How did I get so lucky?

I suppose when you focus on yourself… when you continually correct your path towards Love, it leads you to places like this.
And lets you meet people like these.
And have moments like Now.
I looked skyward and became dizzy with the awareness.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

-john /Halcyon
March 17, 2010

For the first time since I was a boy (12 years?), I am not attending SXSW. (why?)

I already miss the iron cactus conversations and the walks to and from. I miss the hugs from old friends and meeting so many amazing new people. I miss the Shiner Bocks. I miss the clever t-shirts. I miss Brad, too.
If you are heading to Austin, hug yourself from me. And have a blast.
I LOVE YOU.
Here’s a SXSW memory from way back when I hosted the Web awards:
The gag was instead of “switching” from a PC to a Mac, I was switching to a computer (from analog.) This one was about Blogs, but substitute the word “Tweet” and the gags work even better.

More Memories:

For the first time since I was a boy (12 years?), I am not attending SXSW. (why?)

I already miss the iron cactus conversations and the walks to and from. I miss the hugs from old friends and meeting so many amazing new people. I miss the Shiner Bocks. I miss the clever t-shirts. I miss Brad, too.
If you are heading to Austin, hug yourself from me. And have a blast.
I LOVE YOU.
Here’s a SXSW memory from way back when I hosted the Web awards:
The gag was instead of “switching” from a PC to a Mac, I was switching to a computer (from analog.) This one was about Blogs, but substitute the word “Tweet” and the gags work even better.

More Memories:

*I will be giving the opening blessing and co-hosting this event!*

“Temple of Hope- a benefit for Haiti & Partners in Health”

Sunday February 28, 2010
2pm to 6pm

Bardot @ Avalon
1735 Vine St. Hollywood, CA 90028

$20 or $15 w/donation of a non-perishable food item or new personal care item.

Music by: Slick Dada of Dada Radio & Whoop T Whoop Ent.
Dance performances by:
Princess Farhana, Devilla, Jenna, IrinaXara,
Mardhavi Rodrigo, Sophie Olsen,
Debbie & Marco, & The Hart Pulse Dance Co.

Full Bar 21+

Raffle Prize Drawing & Silent Auctions featuring items donated by:
The Bellydance Superstars, Lucent Dossier Vaudeville Cirque, Artist Ashleigh Sumner,
Lululemon Athletica, Corium 21 Organic Skin Care, & Alexandria II Bookstore

Net proceeds from admissions, raffle prize drawing, & silent auction to be donated
to Partners in Health. (pih.org)
Food and personal care items to be donated to the LA Food Bank.
(lafightshunger.org)

*I will be giving the opening blessing and co-hosting this event!*

“Temple of Hope- a benefit for Haiti & Partners in Health”

Sunday February 28, 2010
2pm to 6pm

Bardot @ Avalon
1735 Vine St. Hollywood, CA 90028

$20 or $15 w/donation of a non-perishable food item or new personal care item.

Music by: Slick Dada of Dada Radio & Whoop T Whoop Ent.
Dance performances by:
Princess Farhana, Devilla, Jenna, IrinaXara,
Mardhavi Rodrigo, Sophie Olsen,
Debbie & Marco, & The Hart Pulse Dance Co.

Full Bar 21+

Raffle Prize Drawing & Silent Auctions featuring items donated by:
The Bellydance Superstars, Lucent Dossier Vaudeville Cirque, Artist Ashleigh Sumner,
Lululemon Athletica, Corium 21 Organic Skin Care, & Alexandria II Bookstore

Net proceeds from admissions, raffle prize drawing, & silent auction to be donated
to Partners in Health. (pih.org)
Food and personal care items to be donated to the LA Food Bank.
(lafightshunger.org)

Dmitry invited me to come with him to Vegas during CES/AVN. I could drive with him and stay in his room.

Alas, I declined. I had an important meeting in Irvine that conflicted.

Truth be told, I also wasn’t sure I wanted to go to Vegas.
I have been working on deconstructing my ego and embracing a less flashy me.
And Vegas is the land of the amplified Ego – where Halcyon Pink is much more at home than John Styn.

So I was somewhat relieved that I had a work conflict.

But not long after Dmitry arrived in Vegas, my meeting was canceled and my schedule became wide open. Too bad I missed my ride! Again, I was relieved.

But something was eating at me.

I had just told my Life Coach that I wanted to get out of the house more. I told him I would schedule weekend trips or mini adventures.
And here an adventures was practically pulling me into it and I was refusing.

I was a little down Wednesday night as I thought about the situation and my response.

I woke Thursday morning and remembered that my brother was flying to Vegas… later that day! Now the Flow was too strong to ignore.

Before long I was booking a seat on his plane and planning for him to pick me up on the way to the airport.

Talk about icing on the adventure cake! Spending a few hours with my brother?! With a 1 and 3 year old, solo time with my bro is pretty precious. How poetic that the journey was going to be as exciting than the destination.

I quickly packed and had an awesome travel afternoon with Jim. At the airport, I started to see people I knew from Adult Trade shows. I had an adult industry client and worked many events over the last decade. This was the first time I had been around that world since I left several years ago. And they all knew me as Halcyon Pink or “Hal.”

This muted version of myself was like being in disguise.

That night in Vegas we hit some non-adult CES events. We enjoyed the hospitality of my brother’s company and several other places for drinks and dancing. (Apparently much more of both than I remember.)

Friday was my “Float more, steer less” day.
So I slept in and stayed in the room until well past noon. A part of me worried if I would use “float more” as an excuse to “do nothing.” But I reminded myself that that would be okay, too. I brought good books and plenty of paper to write on.

But when Dmitry got a call and headed to the Venetian for a meeting, I hitched a ride in the cab.
I had a pass to CES, but the cab was going towards AVN.
I hung out in public areas and saw dozens of Adult celebs. Then I started to run into people I knew. Wonderful people I missed from the Adult internet industry. As each friend walked by, I would stop them for hugs, then ask if I could walk with them to wherever they were going. It was wonderful. Lots of hugs and reconnecting. And when there was no one around that I knew, I sat and watched. By dinnertime I felt exhausted and fulfilled from a day of floating.
Tonight, Dmitry and I struggled to make an evening plan. It is Porn Week in Vegas and there is lots going on. There is also a lot of pressure to make the most of it. We tried to figure out how many hours sleep we needed to be able to drive home safely in the morning. (We both have commitments in SD tomorrow.)
Eventually we decided to stay in. I texted people to let them know, and they were shocked.
I was having a hard time believing it, too.
I’ll admit the feeling that I should go out was strong. But to “psyche up” and make that happen would have qualified as “Steering more.”
Besides, I think it was Halcyon Pink that wanted to go out. And he wasn’t invited on this trip.

-John
Friday night, 12:30am Vegas, Trump Hotel rm 4519