# Learn to determine remaining battery life with my tongue.
# Master the Lundy Hop.
# Floss.
# Force those punks to let me play their reindeer games
# Protest non-primary colors.
# Impregnate a reptile.
# Up my brie intake to 2 wheels/day.
# Read the fine print.
# Pick which side is my “good side.”
# Conquer my fear of cotton.
# Regain my tetherball Championship.
# Patent my spanking machine.
# Stop teasing gravity.
# Skip to work at least 1 day a week.
# Skip work at least 1 day a week.
# Debate artificial flavors and colors.
# Tackle adversity. Tie him up. Tar and feather him.
#Have my “Marry me, Brittany” tattoo covered up with a Celtic design or something.
# Stop blood doping for regional athletic competitions and weekend masturbation sessions.
# Ask Mom to stop calling me “Fucko.”
# Find a teeter-totter partner closer to my age (and weight).
# Buy my *own* blow-up doll.

Goals for the New Year I made a few years ago:

• Stop using the phrase, “stinky finger.”

• Wean myself off Phonics (I’m hooked)

• Convince my Dad that he’s gay.

• Avoid Subway Sandwiches (Life is too short to eat a sub where the Mayo is applied with a squeeze-bottle)

• Rip out Puff Daddy’s vocal cords and flay him mercilessly across the buttocks.

• Figure out what’s causing that rash.

• Limber-up enough to perform self-fellatio (If I achieve this, my blog will go on an indefinite hiatus)

• Apologize to each member of the NFL for failing to take an interest in their sport.

• Get all my friends to sign my cast. (break arm if necessary)

• Get over my necrophilia hang-up.

• Lobby to get “Y” the full vowel status it deserves.

• Learn to tell the difference between a “normal” and an “unhealthy” discharge

  
  

• Only wear fur coats that block harmful UV rays.

• Read the articles in Playboy ( I hear they’re very good)

• Boycott all Marijuana grown in Iraq.

• Work to lift the taboo on the words, “felching” and “smegma”

• Stop staring at my co-workers breasts while they talk.

• Only listen to music that utilizes F sharp in a flattering way.

wellllll, it may not be as effective as hugging. But Zach G. has certainly taken “snuggling” to new heights:

I may have written the catchiest (and most morally questionable) song EVER.
I don’t want to jump the gun, but this may be my crowning achievement.

Parents watch first before showing to children.
Your morality may vary.

EDIT: the creature in question is a nudibranch! Thanks, Josh!
Hi Res version:

I am in Florida for work. (Luckily, its pretty fun!)

So sorry for not being able to respond to all comments. I’ll have Hugnation posted when I get home. Or you can see them archived at http://www.hugnation.com

For those of you that enjoyed my recent shoe and Shonda adventures. Here is an older video of me and Shonda talking Shoes:

In addition to being honorable, my brother is also hilarious. To celebrate his bday, here is a HILARIOUS old (5 years?) video of the two of us improvising with our Star Wars toys:

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Hilarious ‘Behind The Music’ parody they made for the Webby Awards in 2001. (The year after I won for CockyBastard.com.) Pre pink hair with “Trippy Longstocking” braids. They had me come back and present the award to the next winner.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

I made a humorous Easter Video last week.

But I kinda got distracted in a wash of wonderful memories and forgot to share it.

So, as I finish my video tribute to my grandpa, please enjoy  this Very Special Darmha Initiative Training Film looking at the Easter Tradition.