For today’s HugNation I am going to read from one of Grandpa’s old Sermons called “The School Of Suffering.”

Join us!

When I was really young, my strongest connections to my grandpa revolve around rocks.

He lived in Colorado and climbed mountains.
I remember him taking me to cool places where he had found dinosaur bone fossils.

He was known for wearing bolo ties with rocks or fossils that he had put through a rock tumbler. In fact at his funeral, all my uncles wore Grandpa’s old bolo ties.

I didn’t make the connection to his old hobby, but for the last couple years I described Grandpa as being “softened like a river rock.”

When he was younger, I’m told he was more of a fire and brimstone preacher. But by his final chapter, he had lost the sharp edges of homophobia, nationalism, and evangelicalism.

He called himself a Baptist Buddhist and frequently wrote that “All religions are true.” *

I love the metaphoric beauty of river rocks, They are smoothed by time, not force. And that seems to describe grandpa, too. Life experiences, like the ever-flowing rush of water, removed the beliefs that did not resonate with love. All the harshness was rubbed away by the universal flow.

After reading a friend’s blog post a few days ago about rock tumblers, all the old memories of grandpa’s rocks came flowing back. I suddenly felt a deep desire to have a polished fossil of my own. So I went on ebay until I saw something that reminded me of what Grandpa used to have. I bid, won, and now am wearing a polished piece of fossilized coral.

It reminds me of grandpa. It reminds me to be softened by the flow. It anchors me to the timeless cycles of all living things.

(more…)

It was a year of less dancing and more tears. Of love and magic and growth. It was a year of intense gratitude and hope. And it was the year I said goodbye to Grandpa.

“Burning Grandpa’s Ashes”

Rev Jack Keikle read a number of my grandpa’s writings at the service in Colorado. This was my favorite. I think I may print out copies for Burning Man:

***

The World today is experiencing a great spiritual Seeking that cannot be contained or controlled by the Religious Systems. I can see how all of us are potentially unique spiritual beings. We are all connected — though we often do not realize it — with every other life, because we are connected with the One Source of All Life.

No form of Institutionally can encapsulate or control spirituality. For me, the Cosmic Christ permeates the “Seeking Souls” of the earth both inside and outside the perimeters of all mysterious “Seeking.”

I’m really proud of 2 videos I just edited.

They are both about spreading Grandpa’s ashes.

1) On Pikes Peak, on a mountain top.

And 2) mixed into the painted wings on the HugMobile.

Here’s the Colorado expereince:

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Even though I never saw him looking like this, it is how I remember my grandpa alot of the time.

I just re-watched the Yahoo videos and cried.
I didn’t cry until the very end when I look up and say, “We will do you Right.”

I welled with emotion because I feel like I am honoring my grandpa right.
So much so, that I feel like his energy is still a huge part of my path.

People often want to say, “I’m sorry.” Or You must miss him… but I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, blessings and love.

Oh, did I mention… Grandpa and I were on the front page of Yahoo.com all day.

Today was one of the most wonderful days of my life.

I was..BOMBARDED with love today.

Read message after message of appreciation.
In chat. In comments. In person.

I tried to express sincere thanks and project the same amount of love in return.

Because, really, the more love I receive, the more I feel like I have to give.

It’s like I said in the Yahoo piece: Love is not a finite resource.

And a hug, by it’s nature. Is non-depleting.
You can’t give a hug without receiving one.
So as more and more people read the piece, felt the vibe, and made their way to the chatroom, the love became tangible.
As I responded to questions and thoughts via webcam, the crowd reached 136 simultaneous chatters, and a steady flow of wonderful people all day long.
I felt intoxicated with the positive energy.
It was as if the chatroom was a spiritual perpetual motion machine-
A love turbine generating more and more positive energy, without any friction to slow it down.

There was a voice or 2 of negativity over the course of the entire day.

But it was crushed quickly by the positive momentum.

“Ignore him,” I said with total confidence and from a place of love. And I paraphrased a story of the Buddha:
I’m not sure why he wants to bring that oily black energy into this place,
But if we refuse to accept his gift he will be the only one holding it.

But the crowd was shockinly supportive and loving. I think many people were suprised by the vibe of the room.

ahhhhhhh

It is now 1:30 am and I am finally winding down.
It is hard to sleep… I feel overflowing with compassion and warmth.

*smile*

Thank you for all the love today. We’re doing Grandpa right.

Love,
John

Kevin Sites, the amazing war correspondent, did a new Video Journalism series on “people of the web” for Yahoo News.

Grandpa and I are one of the stories they launched with.
It makes me teary and proud to watch, “LOVE WARRIORS”.

This was a very good year.
Perhaps my best.
It does just seem to get better and better.

This year was marked by some significant circumstances for me.

I started my 35th year newly single and in pain.
I thought that healing after a breakup would be easier now that I am older and more evolved.
I was wrong.

It was the first time that I’ve ever questioned if the joy outweighed the pain.

I went to a therapist for a short bit.
I detoxed for a period.
And I got much more disciplined in my spiritual practice.
In particular, a regularly saw two teachers: Grandpa Caleb and Jacob Glass.

I saw them both weekly for most the year, and the impact has been profound.

I spent lots of time over the past year with my parents, too.
And had the absolute joy of watching my nephew come into being.

Baby Caleb’s fire grew strong. As Grandpa Caleb’s fire went out.

It was beautiful and poetic.

And while I *have* cried, I have experienced almost no sadness with Grandpa’s passing.

I feel blessed and honored to have shared his final chapter.

I learned that, more than any wise words, it was Grandpa’s intense state of gratitude that affected me most.

I also found out that the Old man and I had a special bond: We both love the stage. We both love spreading love. And to many people’s disapproval, we’re not bashful about it.

After Grandma died, some voices around him were saying, “quiet down, preacher.”
But I was turning the volume of his mic up, broadcasting it around the web, and recording it for future generations.

I consider our HugNation collaborations among my greatest achievements. I feel honored to have worked with my grandpa, and honored to share such a sacred moment with everyone who joined us in that journey over the last year.

I think one reason why grandpa was so happy and peaceful during his final chapter was because the magnitude of love he felt from his online connections.

So thank YOU for being a part of something so special. (even if you haven’t watched an old HugNation with grandpa yet…whenever you do, you’ll be a part of it.)

The truth is, I wasn’t sure if I would continue HugNation after Grandpa passed.

I love hosting HugNations. I love setting up the digital space and getting a group of loving people together. And while I enjoy leading the hug very much, sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to lead it.
I don’t meditate. I enjoy to excess. I enjoy porn. I’m vain. Etc. etc.

Grandpa, on the other hand, walked the walk.

So I wasn’t sure if I had earned the right to continue hosting by myself.

But I dunno. It just felt right to continue and let it shift form.
So I listened to impulse.
I introduced the idea of the Tao Buffet. So that instead of interviewing Grandpa before the hug, I tell a short story.

I tell them for my own benefit…to remind myself of things like,
“Float more, steer less. Love more, fear less.”

But the vibe is the same. And Grandpa’s energy still flows through.
And I think everyone who participates feels it, too.

Attendance is higher than ever. And in the last week I’ve become swept up in an “RV Hug Tour” idea that has taken me over in a way that I can barely describe. It is wonderful.
It’s as if the Hugmobile is my Pink Ark…and this is our destiny.

So as my next cycle around the sun begins, I am full of excitement and hope and love.

It is an honor to share the path with you.

Thank you for being you.
LOVE,
-halcyon

me in my birthday suit after the cut…
(more…)