“Supportive Knights & Warrior Princesses”

by Halcyon on March 3, 2014

I have spoke in the past about seeing your partner as their highest.

I told the story of how I have fallen into a relationship role where I try to protect my partner from harm, pain and suffering.

This doesn’t sound like a bad thing.

But it does not allow the other to grow.

Sure, you don’t want a seedling to get trampled,
But if you keep it inside it will never get the wind, and direct sunlight it needs.
It will grow weak and never become the flower it is meant to.

One of the hardest things about loving someone is seeing them struggle.
We anticipate their struggles and try to protect them.
Nobody likes to see someone they love stress or suffer.

My instinct is always to fix or change the situation.

But I have learned that true love isn’t about being a knight on a white horse that comes and saves the princess. Real love is about holding space for that princess to be a warrior – and seeing her strong and powerful – even when she can’t see it herself.

Support her? yes.
Save her? no.

During the early chapters of our relationship, I put lots of effort into being this new kind of modern night. A support knight. I reminded her of her potential and refused to accept her declarations during times of frustration.

And she grew.
Into a powerful warrior princess.

She was an intern when I met her. She became an entrepreneur. Over the next 2 years she grew a company, a brand, and a reputation. She won awards and got press. She blossomed into a such a dramatic vision of success that she became a source of inspiration for others.

And she caught the bug. With her success, her vision grew.

She devoured trainings, seminars and books. She worked with coaches and studied mentors.

Somewhere along the line, I got scared again.

I started to focus more on her struggles. I worried more about the obstacles.

Now to be fair, she fell into this trap, too. I think the path of an entrepreneur is a challenging one. How do you focus on constantly making your business better – while not becoming obsessed about what is wrong? How do you enjoy the cone while being constantly vigilant about removing crap?

I see this in all the entrepreneurs I know. The good ones are the ones who can enjoy the process of crap-removal. Instead of constantly being in a state of “Oh-No! More problems!”

I also think it is critical to take time, and make an effort to focus on the good whenever possible. To take a moment every day or every week to remember what is going right, what has gone right, and what wonderful potential lies ahead.

At FreshRealm, we do this with an organization-wide gratitude circle. And it makes MASSIVE difference. There are literally hundreds of things that need to be done. And we would suffocate under the weight – if we didn’t take time to appreciate the path – and our fellow teammates.


Empath
I’ve always been slightly annoyed when people say, “I’m an empath.” Is that really a special power? Like, “I’m a compassionate person.” But as I look at the struggles I have with my partner’s stress, maybe this what they mean. And maybe some people do feel others experiences deeper than normal. When I mentioned this to friend this week he said, absolutely – it is your greatest strength – and weakness.

It is this empathy – this experience of anothers pain – that makes me want to fix, to save… and sometimes to run away.
It contributes in huge ways to my fear of commitment. The idea of tying myself to pain and suffering outside of my control is terrifying.


But this is my classroom. This is the advance course I must take right now.

A recent status report showed that I got a little off track. I forgot the importance of faith. Forgot how love means believing in someone’s potential.

I forgot that Love is ACTIVE. It is much more than accepting them and loving them AS IS (although that is part of it.) It is the conscious mental thoughts of seeing a person as the highest version of themselves. Of seeing through their ego doubts, of refusing to believe the small voices in their heads (that they may share with you) and refusing to listen to the small voices in your head that you may project on them.
This is the Love Warriors duty. This is the heart-centered path of honor. This is the way of the Supportive Knight.

I lost my way, m’lady, and I will work to rejoin you on your glorious path.

-John
march 3, 2014

{ 0 comments }

{ 0 comments }

The Teacosy Era

January 28, 2014

A lifetime ago, I explored the frontier of webcam technology and “digital intimacy”. I dealt with my adolescent insecurity by cultivating a beefcake following. There was even a website dedicated to posting images captured from my webcam. Teacosy.net. (I often wore my long hair bunched up under a hat – that some said looked like […]

Read the full article →

2013 In Review

December 31, 2013

Every year I write up a year in review. I.e. Here is the 2011 year 2014 Designed and Performed Opening Ceremony at Leyenda (with Krista Richards) Keynote Speaker at TVIA (Teen Volunteers In Action) Senior Send Off Participated in UCSB “Personal Branding” Career Event Keynote Speaker at Congregation Dor Hadash Temple MLK Jr. Day Keynote […]

Read the full article →

Post Playa 2013 Hug Nation

September 9, 2013

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

Read the full article →

New Job. New City. New Flow.

July 30, 2013

Six months ago I was living off savings, while launching a Joy Coaching practice and working on an outline for a book. (Read: LOTS of hours on Facebook) Everything was going according to the leisurely plan I had worked out with my Coach, Karpo. But the direction of my Flow changed overnight. I was recruited […]

Read the full article →

8 Ways to Find Meaning In Life

May 27, 2013

8 Ways to Find Meaning In Life (A Download on my 42nd Birthday) As I approached my 42nd birthday, I hoped I had something profound to share. Afterall, Douglas Adams brilliant “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” clearly stated that “42” was the Meaning of Life. Oddly, I barely slept last night as the following thoughts […]

Read the full article →

Mother’s Day 2013

May 12, 2013

Mom, If all you did was give me life, I would be supremely grateful. If all you did was feed me, bathe, me and protect me, I would be forever in your debt. If all you did was teach me, encourage me, and believe in me, your impact on who I am would be massive. […]

Read the full article →

Happy Birthday, Dad (HugNation March 25, 2013)

March 26, 2013
Read the full article →

FreshRealm (pssssst, my new job!)

March 6, 2013

We will be releasing a press release soon. I’m chomping at the bit to share what we’ve been doing at FreshRealm. Side note: We are planning on developing the .co, not the .com. (But check out the .com, anyway.)

Read the full article →