I’m sooo glad I asked my parents to SKIP with me on camera.
Sounds like a Fisher Price playset, doesn’t it?
I’ve been working on a “talk” for the last month and am really excited to give it live. I don’t often speak to people in the flesh…maybe I’ll bring a webcam just so I feel comfortable.
But if you will be in San Diego on saturday, come on by!
Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 4:00 PM
(picture taken today with my folks after birthday lunch)
Today I turned 37.
I still think of myself as â€œpost-college-aged.â€
But 37 is definitely â€œnot young.â€
Hell, lots of people have already had their mid-life crises by this time.
And I still like to think about what Iâ€™ll do â€œwhen I grow up.â€
But when I sit back and look at my life, I am pretty darn happy with where Iâ€™m at.
In fact, this last year has been nothing short of extraordinary.
From the ideaâ€™s inception, to her artistic transformation, to grandpaâ€™s ashes integration, to the 6 city Hug Tour of last October. As I described the whole thing last weekend, I realized it may be the artistic â€œperformanceâ€ I am most proud of.
This birthday marks our year anniversary since first contacting each other online. It has been a growth-filled journey of rich communication and supportive adventures.
Spending time with my nephew this year has been so wonderful. I feel like his purity teaches me lessons as profound as the wisest spiritual teachers. Iâ€™ve also found a renewed respect and awe for all the parents out there.
My social life has transformed into far less clubbing and far more brunching. The truth is I really, really enjoy spending time with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew.
This year I tried to let go of ambition and focus more on being true to the moment. I tried to make â€˜living in love and integrityâ€™ my main objective. The result was more opportunities (with less stress) than I have ever had before.
I am so blessed.
If you are reading this, thank you for being a part of my life.
Thank you Bat Country! (at Lightning In A Bottle)
Today I turn 37.
But I was once just a baby.
and a little forshadowing of my love of pink fur:
I found myself telling stories about Grandpa and HugNation a lot this weekend at the Lightning in a Bottle festival.
Of course, I was living in the glorious Hugmobile, so grandpa’s presence (and his physical ashes) were very close. Plus I gifted dozens of Grandpa Caleb ‘Love on demand’ DVDs to new and old friends.
Even so, Grandpa played a much bigger part of the weekend than I expected.
As I prepared for the event, I was more focused on my cool new outfits and my daring “no pink fur’ proclamation.
Thankfully, my attire did not remain on the forefront of my mind. (Although I did look fabulous.)
It seems much longer than a year ago that I was at the same festival. Grandpa had just passed and I was filled with uncertainty.
I was unsure if I should keep doing Hug Nation.
I wasn’t sure if I was worthy.
Then the Hugmobile idea was born. And the hug tour. And the universe seemed to steer me exactly where I was supposed to go. Grandpa never felt very far away.
And even though I don’t have anything as concrete as a weekly lunch date with him, his spirit influences me stronger than ever.
When I got home from the festival last night, I checked email (of course) and saw a number of comments to old youtube videos of me and Grandpa.
So I clicked to read the comment, and found myself watching the video.
And I started crying.
I have told stories of grandpa so much, that the stories are almost as vivid as the memories.
So watching him was more emotional that I expected.
Seeing him. Hearing him. Feeling his energy through the screen.
I couldn’t stop crying.
Partly because I miss him.
Partly because I wish he could see who I am becoming.
Partly because seeing him radiate so beautifully, was justâ€¦too much.
I could see now that much of the growth I’ve experienced in the last year has been towards Grandpa consciousness.
Even without fresh words or hugs or physical presence, he teaches me â€“ subconsciously- from deep inside. Maybe they are seeds planted long ago. Maybe it is something else.
Watching the video made me respect him even more. Things I dismissed as an old man’s silliness seem deeply profound now.
Realizations I have had in recent weeks were things he embodied all along.
I rarely miss him. But while I watched the two of us interact and could see the love between us, the tears would not stop.
My gratitude for our shared time still FAR outweighs the pain of lossâ€¦but I was definitely feeling the loss last night.
I miss you, Grandpa.
p.s. HugNation is today at 1pm PST. Join us!
I should note that the situation that inspired this video is not resolved. (and in fact may end up going exactly as I hoped it would.) But the point is the same.
Today my brother turns 35 years old.
He is loving, honest, supportive, brilliant, and a wonderful husband and father.
I am proud to call him brother. I am honored to call him friend.
He is also hilarious.
I am going to be giving my first ever talk/workshop at the end of the month.
The current topic is “InnerActivism – Change your Mind. Change the World.”
EDIT: That isn’t entirely true. I have given solo talks at SXSW and the University of New Mexico. This is my first one for a non tech crowd.